I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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