on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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