The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
