The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
