Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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