I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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