do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He felt like a one man threesome
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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