Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
