I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
