the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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