It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
