This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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