So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
