Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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