why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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