By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I wish you could order shots online.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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