I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
