he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
