mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
vagina is talking i cant
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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