I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
