I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
