Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
