where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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