I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
