According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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