so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
