So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
