i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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