for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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