Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
