Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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