my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
4 words: hood of his car
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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