i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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