just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
We smell like vodka and hangover
There's even glitter on my cock...
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