sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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