one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
