If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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