I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
