Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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