so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
