the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I don't deserve a penis
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
