You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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