I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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