I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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