That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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