anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
