Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
