chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
