I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
