She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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