I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
