508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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